


Bodhi is quiet.

by ShippingThings



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, I Have Had This Finished In My Documents Since December, It's Time To Post and Be Done With It, M/M, Polyamory, Sharing a Bed, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, Survivor Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-31
Updated: 2017-03-31
Packaged: 2018-10-13 05:04:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10506828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShippingThings/pseuds/ShippingThings
Summary: The first month that follows the battle is rough.





	

The first month that follows the battle is rough.

The base is mournful. There isn’t a person who didn’t know someone who died.

Jyn, Cassian and Bodhi all know they should’ve been on the list of people who had met their demise along with the people who had come to help them retrieve the plans and the rest of the  the planet, but they aren't. This is the roughest part of the battle for Jyn. Having survived may very well be worse.

The rebellion has a no idleness policy. Many people are needed to keep their operation running on a daily basis. The exceptions being made for the surviving members of Rogue One speak volumes. The three of them are ordered to do very little, the occasional dinner duty or asking them if they could maybe take a look at something that needs fixing. Cassian figures that they are slowly trying to work the three of them back to normalcy, slowly reignite their fire for living and fighting, but none of them can go back after all they’ve seen.

No one escaped the battle, not really.

Bodhi is quiet.

All of the survivors are quiet, it’s a part of the territory. Their loss clings to their skin like smoke and scars their memories with the horrible sights and sounds. It’s hard not to be withdrawn.

But Bodhi, especially, is quiet.

Jyn watches him carefully.

He’s sluggish in his movements, eyes always a little hazy, almost like he’s still stumbling among the dead of Scarif, like the carnage has been stained into his corneas so he can’t escape it. His slim shoulders slump, curving in on himself to make him look even smaller than he actually is. Jyn watches him make himself smaller. The trauma is projected on a loop behind Bodhi's eyes. Like a wild animal, scared by hunters, he is skittish and Jyn can see it when she looks at him and all the while he's working at making himself less of a target. He's compacting himself, camouflaging himself against the landscape, hoping nobody sees.

Bodhi made it out of the scuffle with minimal injury compared to most. A few cuts from jagged metal that would definitely scar and a substantial amount of hearing loss in his left ear after bolting out of their ship and dropping down in the sand to avoid the grenade’s blast. Muffled hearing accompanied by a persistent ringing is a constant reminder that at any given moment he may still be in danger.

Jyn talks to him as much as possible, babbling on about various things that go on around the base, just to fill his silence, or at least she does this on her better days. On the days where it is almost unbearable, the days where she can smell and see singed flesh, she stays away from everyone, opting instead to lock herself up somewhere, to keep everyone else away from the turmoil of emotions that rage inside her. Some days she even manages to crack a smile that isn’t for someone else’s benefit… But even on her best days, there’s always something, usually small and insignificant to anyone else, that pops up, reminding her of her dad, her mom, the family they could’ve been. She doesn’t go a day without the rush of tears to her eyes.

Cassian tries in his own way and  _ only _ when he thinks no one’s looking. He brings food to their bunks when they can’t find the will to pull themselves up from underneath the covers, making sure they eat. He’s not too much of a talker, not that he ever was, but on the days they need him to he does his best to remind them that they’re all still there and that that’s okay.

His walk is an odd sort of limp now, kind of lopsided. He’d broken his ankle, popped something in his back out of place, some bruising and a scratch on his cheekbone that he would definitely carry with him for the rest of his life… he would be physically fine within a few months. Internally is another story. He feels like everyone else’s death, the people he’d allowed to come along, were his fault. He carries the weight of them all on his broken back.

Apart, they are a mess, but together, together living is a little easier.

The bunks are small, there is no bed bigger than a twin, and it’s a _ tight  _ squeeze, but they make it work. They tangle themselves up in each other, slotting perfectly together. Bodhi, somehow, always ends up in the middle, Jyn’s head on his chest, her leg over his, Cassian’s arm under his head, fingers resting on Jyn’s cheek. Cassian is the tallest, his feet hang off the edge, it’s a struggle for him not to fall off. Jyn fills up the space with noise, describing all the different planets she’s been too and retelling the same story she’s told a thousand times. She keeps track of their facial expressions, seeking out comfort in their small smiles. Bodhi snuggles into them both. He seems better when they’re around him, protecting him for the horrors of the past.

No one escaped the battle, but being alive is easier with someone to keep you warm.

Bodhi is quiet, Jyn watches, Cassian tries.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Alex ([balexi](http://balexi.tumblr.com/), [Bal3xicon](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Bal3xicon/pseuds/Bal3xicon)) for being my beta.  
> My [Tumblr](darlinglena.tumblr.com)!


End file.
